Matthew Dicks

Old fashioned book burning

A Baptist Church in Canton, NC is hosting a good old fashioned "Halloween book burning" in order to purge the area of Satan's works, which include all non-King James versions of the Bible, popular books by many religious authors and even country music.

In all fairness, I am not religious (and could do without most country music) and therefore am less concerned about the burning of religious texts than I am books like Huckleberry Finn, but it would seem to me that the burning of any book is a little ridiculous and just flat-out stupid.

After all, why would anyone want to engage in a practice that is synonymous with the Nazis?  What’s next?  Tiny little mustaches and three day jaunts through Belgium?  

According to the church’s website (which was taken down once the media reported on how stupid these people are), attendees will also set fire to "Satan's popular books" such as the work of "heretics" including the Pope, Mother Teresa and Billy Graham.

Again, I’m not a fan of the world of religious literature (though I have read The Bible in its entirety three times , which is more than can probably be said for most of the FOURTEEN parishioners of this lunatic church), but is the burning of Mother Teresa’s book really necessary?

The best news of all is that in addition to burning books, the church will be serving "bar-b-que chicken, fried chicken and all the sides."

Apparently doing the good Lord’s work can make a lunatic hungry.

In an effort to probe this congregation’s line of thinking a little deeper and achieve a better understanding of their lunacy, I will be mailing them a copy of SOMETHING MISSING today, requesting a close reading of the text and some expert analysis in order to determine if my book is also Satanic in nature.

This should be fun.

Republican or Democrat, it’s bad, bad writing

I have no intention of becoming political on this blog, but just in terms of writing, did you see or hear Sarah Palin’s farewell speech from yesterday?  In terms of the writing, which is what I typically deal with here, take a look at these two paragraphs, the second and third from her ten minute address:

And getting up here I say it is the best road trip in America soaring through nature's finest show. Denali, the great one, soaring under the midnight sun. And then the extremes. In the winter time it's the frozen road that is competing with the view of ice fogged frigid beauty, the cold though, doesn't it split the Cheechakos from the Sourdoughs?

And then in the summertime such extreme summertime about a hundred and fifty degrees hotter than just some months ago, than just some months from now, with fireweed blooming along the frost heaves and merciless rivers that are rushing and carving and reminding us that here, Mother Nature wins. It is as throughout all Alaska that big wild good life teeming along the road that is north to the future.

They are nearly incomprehensible.  Seriously.  How is this even possible?     

Try reading the paragraphs aloud.  It’s even more shocking. 

William Shatner read the paragraphs on The Tonight Show last night under the guise that they were meant to be read a poetry.  Rather amusing.

A word by any other name is not a word

The English language acquired its one millionth word today. 

Sort of. 

According to the Global Language Monitor, a website that uses a math formula to estimate how often words are created, the word Web 2.0 was added at 5:22 AM ET, making it the one millionth word in the English language. 

Need I point out that Web 2.0 isn’t an actual word but a phrase used to describe the social nature of the current iteration of the Internet? 

Or that the “word” Web 2.0 is about four years old?  Why has it taken so long for this word to officially creep into the English language, especially at a time when Web 3.0, or the semantic web, threatens to replace it?

And if we’re going to be foolish enough to characterize terminology like Web 2.0 as a word, could we at least make sure that the millionth word is an actual word, absent of digits and decimal points? 

Couldn’t we have left Web 2.0 for the one millionth and one word?

John Updike, 1932-2009

In case you didn't hear, we lost John Updike this week.  I haven't read much of his work in years, and regrettably, I have yet to read any of his Rabbit books, but I read Couples, The Witches of Eastwick, and most of his short stories and poetry in college and liked them very much. 

In fact, I adore his short stories.  They were, for the most part, simply brilliant.

Losing a writer like Updike is always a tragedy.  When Kurt Vonnegut died a couple years ago, I cried.  I can still remember reading the story of his death as the sun was rising and streaming through my living window on an early April morning.  Never before had a sunrise seemed so cold. 

While I didn't have the same emotional reaction to Updike's death, I was saddened by the loss.  I can't help but think of all the potential stories that were still within him, now lost forever.     

Can I suggest you take ten minutes and read his short story, A&P?  It's one of my favorites.