Elevator etiquette

I have never asked anyone to hold an elevator for me, nor do I think that anyone should ever make such a request.

It’s rude. 

I am standing in the elevator, floor button depressed and alighted, doors sliding shut, ready to go, and some person who woke up ten seconds later than me or spent ten extra seconds in the shower or ten extra seconds listening to the end of that Lady Gaga song in their car before exiting now wants me to stop the impending closure of my elevator’s doors so that he or she can catch up to my day and probably press a floor button lower than my own, thus delaying me even further. 

No, I say. It’s not right.  I arrived at this elevator on time. I am ahead for a reason. I arose earlier or walked faster or planned my route to this location better. Whatever the reason, I am in the lead and should not be required to cede my position by simple request.

There are other elevators, damn it.  Wait for the next one, just like I waited for this one. 

Or climb out of bed a little earlier.  Spend a little less time in front of the mirror.  Lay out your clothes the night before. Stop staring at the Internet and get your ass moving. 

Whatever it takes to arrive at this elevator before the doors begin to close. 

Otherwise, keep your mouth shut and wait for the next one. 

That, my friends, is proper elevator etiquette.  Spread the word.